dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
