bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
