I can't watch pbs sober anymore
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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