Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
