Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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