She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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