so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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