my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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