Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Panties = found
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