i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
