I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
