Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i barfeds in our rink
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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