Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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