hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
