I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
do nipples grow back?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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