I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
