Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
