did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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