1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
