$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
