Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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