I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
