god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
