We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
