dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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