If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
