im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
