just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
