Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
