when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
