The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
