I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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