OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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