Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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