We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
