i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
