cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
