Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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