I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
