so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
