The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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