you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
