you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
