so explain again why im purple
no
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
