There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Two words: blizzard sex
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
