Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
