Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
