hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
