My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
