I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
