I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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