It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
