i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
