i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
