I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
