Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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