Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
