Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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