The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
