so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
