Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
