just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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