He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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