Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
