you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
