i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
