names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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