tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
