i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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