I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
