My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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