I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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