it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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