somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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