It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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