We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
