I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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