I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
