Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
