Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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