he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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